These black hands

These black hands have sown, threads of friendship and trust, with these hands I built, bridges of hope and love.

These black hands have dug, tunnels of love and affection. even without the assurance of reception, with so much heart they gave.

These black hands have burned, scars and scabs remain as proof. bridges and walls razed to the ground, with a fire only the hands will know.

These black hands have hidden, my face away from the public eye. crawling in around once they got to rock bottom, in a search for a way out.

These black hands are clean. of shame, of regret. proudly they admit of past they wish to forget. of a failure, of a lost war.

but forward on black hands, we have way more to achieve


Generational curses my foot!

Walking with my sister is always fun, mostly because everyone thinks we are twins. There are some obvious differences but we posses mostly the same traits; the way we walk, height, we both lack eyebrows, and so much more. When I walk with my mother, the reaction is the same and with my dad, even more because I am the same shade as him. We are a family of lookalikes; you see me and you can tell who my sister, mother and father are or as Kenyans say,you look me, you look her, we look again.

other than that, some things i can say were inherited, my sister suffers from arthritis so does my mom, my sister has a problem with her eyes, and dad, though he denies, it suffers the same, genetics? I think so

There are somethings that we can link to family through genetics and acculturation. your beliefs, your character are built first by the family. but curses? please!

I wake myself with TD jakes in the morning, a little of Joseph prince and Joel osteen to wrap it all up. and I realized one thing,every preacher I have ever listened to, always speaks of breaking the generational curse. And I just cannot start to understand how people believe in this.

let me start by saying, yes, I do know curses exist. i am not denying this. all I am saying is, I do not, as a christian, believe in generational curses. let me explain why:

exodus 34: 6-7 says, “And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, long suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.”

The verse clearly points out the carrying of a burden that wasn’t yours to begin with. being blamed for sins of someone else. and this is where this generational curse thing stems from, a verse that has made preaching in every church i have attended.

but how do we forget that this had an end? so let me get this straight, we no longer offer sacrifices because Christ is the slayed lamb, the last offering ever made, we are no longer communally punished but generational curses somehow made it through the cracks and still exists? child please!

The Israelite’s were pained by the punishments they had to suffer for sins they did not commit. they said, “our fathers ate sour grapes but it is our teeth that are on edge.” and the lord hear them, and the new covenant with Israel was born. where the relationship with God became individual and personal.

Jeremiah 29:39 says, “In those days they shall say no more, The fathers have eaten a sour grape, and the children’s teeth are set on edge. But every one shall die for his own iniquity: every man that eateth the sour grape, his teeth shall be set on edge. Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the Lord: But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the Lord, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. And they shall teach no more every man his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”

Ezekiel 18:30-32 says,  “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, each one in accordance with his conduct,” says the Lord God. “Repent (change your way of thinking) and turn away from all your transgressions, so that sin may not become a stumbling block to you. Cast away from you all your transgressions, which you have committed [against Me], and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! For why should you die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone who dies,” says the Lord God. “Therefore, repent and live!”

Ezekiel 18:20 (KJV) The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.

I believe in the words written by Paul in Romans, he who the lamb has set free, is free indeed. I am no longer a slave to sin. Paul says, to be saved, you have to confess with your tongue and believe in your heart that Jesus is lord, and scripture says, once you are born again, the old is gone and the new has come. so where do these generational curses fit exactly? so you are freed of everything else but the curse?

Maybe I misunderstood the bible, but generational curses to me, got nailed on that cross. there is nothing to break anymore because its broken.I stand by my words, I do not believe in them. I AM OF THE TRIBE OF JUDAH, GRAFTED INTO CHRIST’S FAMILY TREE. that’s my stand.

Throwback time

A picture is worth a thousand words, that is indisputable truth. While trying to fight off being sleepless (it is not insomnia, I just slept a lot during the day), I decided to go through my old photos. Each holding a distinct memory: telling a story, of the happy, the goofy, the sad and many more emotions that I cannot think of right now. with every photo i looked at, i remembered a story, and not just the one of when the picture was taken, oh no, another pop-up of a memory i wish i had pictures to.

looking down at a photo of me and my sister from when we were way younger, looking all adorable, cute and too nerdy for my liking, all dressed up for school, I remembered a trip we took as a family that year, the longest trip of my entire life.

“is it true?” I remember asking my dad in excitement. He had me up on his shoulders and I was looking down on him awaiting that ‘yes!’. It never came.

“of course its true. it is very true that Jesus is lord and he will come back soon, ” he answered, crushing my little hopes.

No, I wasn’t questioning if Jesus was lord nor was i asking about his second coming. I mean, I did have questions on the topic, just not at that time. I was asking about the rumor going round about us going to Baringo. My family had no rumors weren’t a thing per say, we are four people in the house so its kind of difficult to have rumors, but this time, mom and dad had planned and mom had told my sister who had told me that there might be a road trip. See, rumor. I had no idea where Baringo was, all I knew was it involved going with a car, and buying food on the way. And boy did I love food.

My parents loved to play this game of ask ‘go your mom’ and ‘ask your dad’, whenever we wanted to confirm such suspicions, that at the end of the day, we seriously had no answers. And so as I went to bed that night, dreaming of a possibility of yorghut and chips going down my throat that weekend, I was contented.

I spent the rest of the week bragging to my friends about the possibility of me going on a road trip and ended up inviting them to join, well, I invited one person, my best friend of all times, Anne. I still remember my very words to convince her to come were, “my dad will buy you yorghut.” (it was a very rare and important delicacy back then.), and she used the same line to try and convince her mom to allow her come with us. Didn’t work, but we tried.

But after we took off to head to Baringo, my excitement died not too far from home. I did not know how far the place was. We were on the road for hours: I was sweaty, thirsty and the slopes of the hills were so scary I could picture my fall. the weather conditions were so hot, that the water we had drinking water we had packed was on boiling point. Did I mention the Volkswagen we had (KRF, I miss you) did a number on us by breaking down so many times, over heating, and it was so slow, a tractor sped past us.

There was no place to stop to buy anything, and being the glutton I was, I was dying of hunger. The only things in sight were sickly looking, grazing cattle (i don’t know what they were eating because there was no grass), shrubs and very far off, the Kerio valley? I don’t remember. But there was a waterfall at a distance, that much I remember.

So we finally get to where we were going, its way past one o’clock and i was ready to eat stone if it came to that. we get off the car and I remember a lot of people being around. i had no clue what was happening and i didn’t care. I wanted food -of course later I came to know it had a wedding, Whose? I have no idea, even my mom isn’t sure whose wedding it was and that was her side of the family (don’t argue with me on this mommy, we all had no clue), but finally food was on display. There was no yogurt, you can imagine my disappointment.

So almost an hour after we arrived, we are back on the road heading home. and the scenery was breathtaking. I still don’t understand if we took a different path or magic was involved and it transformed from drying up and dying to gorgeous, but as we went down hill or the mountain, I remember my mom singing how great thou art, and I could see what the scenery of the song just looking around. It was amazing.

And that is the story of how I am never going to Baringo ever again, unless I fly over. Even the beautiful terraces aren’t drawing me back there.

Own your mistakes Christians, please!

“It is the devil…” and, “the devil misled me” are some of the poor excuses many Christians come up with as defense when caught in the wrong.

These statements infuriate, frustrate and anger me each time i hear them, most especially when it comes out of the mouth of a Christian. let me explain why:

The month of February started with a buzz in Kenya. Two very popular gospel artists, DK kwenye beat and Hopekid, had their names spewed over by every social media account for an alleged sex scandal, involving a young lady from Nakuru and infecting her with an STD. when the story first came around, DK kwenye beat immediately denounced all knowledge of it, and when things didn’t look like they were going his way, he finally decided to do a public apology.

I am not condemning them, to err is human. i wouldn’t dare point fingers at any of them but i had one problem DK, just one… THE DEVIL DID WHAT?

Growing up (literary the church), I know for a fact that the devil is indeed cunning. I understand that he manipulates. what i don’t understand though is why anyone would put blame on him. why would we willingly listen to him and do by his bidding and later on want forgiveness with the most stupid of all excuses? that the devil deceived you? Christians give me a break!

We are so careful to quote the bible on other issues ;blessings that were promised to Abraham, the judgement that awaits those who do not accept Christ, repentance, giving of offerings and tithes, helping the needy in society. But when it comes to free will, that sinning is actually our own decision, then we freeze up.

Christianity is not a bed of roses, even Christ knows that, he witnessed it first hand. we face challenges, we face dispute and worst of all temptations brewed from the depths of hell. i do not dispute this fact, in fact i have fallen victim too many times. we all have fallen short of God’s glory. But Christians I am begging you, can we own up to our own mistakes.

We have been granted a gift-dominion- we have all the weapons and I am not saying its not a fight but we claim victory in Christ. So when we allow the devil to use us, we actually give him permission to use us as his vessels, whose fault is that? God promises not to let us be tempted beyond what we can bear, He doesn’t say we wont go through trials and temptations, he says he will walk with us through it all. And even through the valley of the shadow of death, we still have a choice on who to follow, who to trust, who to believe. as a christian, when we profess to Christianity, when we confess with our tongues and believe in our hearts that Christ is king, we choose too be his followers. so what is this rubbish about the devil deceiving you? so you also just lay there and allowed him to deceive you?

Every action we do comes in cutesy of free will. the worst the devil can do, is tempt. How do we stand out to preach to the world that Satan has no power over us and yet each time we fall, out of our own will, we are so quick to point fingers at this being who doesn’t hold power over us? who are we lying to?

Our lives as Christians should make non-believers question their non- belief. we should aim to live as Christ did, its not an easy road, especially carrying the cross;but for as long as we keep pointing fingers to a powerless being, who we profess to have conquered and defeated, we are no different that those who don’t believe in the saving grace.

FAM-iliar (the basic origin)

A few days ago in a conversion with a friend, we drifted off to the good old days back I’m school , revisited all the things we did and plans we made. Which got me thinking back to all the “sisters and cousins” we had or maybe it was just me. But anyway this made me think of the continent Africa. The level of socialism in this place is way high above the sky. I mean you can get instant families without even trying. Which drove me to this, the four different ways or laws in which you get family.

DNA. This almost everyone has. The people you share blood with. The blood that runs through your veins runs through theirs and their is no denying them. The people you were born with siblings, children from your mother or fathers sisters and brothers. Biologically you are tied. No matter how annoying they are, even if they roll in mud or walk naked they are yours. It was written in the stars forever and always you are stuck. You don’t get to choose them, you are blessed(at least I can say I was, not everyone is privileged to have them) with them and that’s that.

MARRIAGE. And am not talking about those boyfriends that call you wife, am talking he liked it so he put a ring on it kind of deal. In front of God and witnesses, you became one so your family is his family and vise versa until death do you part, or like this days until the bank account runs dry.

FRIENDS. This are the family you actually get to pick. The people who know you inside out, partners in crime. Where they go you go, those kinds of people. The family you create outside of your blood ties. Bounded together and these are the kind who you can drop whatever it is you are doing to be there for them when they need you( usually in movies but let’s agree with me). The bond runs deeper than casual. These are people who have seen you at your worst and still stuck by you. They have no expiry date or removal gel. And even when they piss you off, you set back to casual mode in a few minutes because life isn’t exactly right without them.

SEE-SHIP. I know you are wondering what am yapping about. Many people will take this as a joke..but i am so serious.
Being a African is a calling and I will explain why. You gain so many relatives and brothers and uncles by virtue of sight or knowing them .there Is no way just anyone can handle being a yours truly. It has to be designed in your blood. SEE-SHIP is code for those people you are related to and you have no idea how but somehow they are your uncle or cousins. Let me break it down in simple words,
If my mother knows your mother…we are definitely cousins. Lets not argue about that. our parents shared a unit in university, that’s simple science, proven that we are related
If our homes are in the same direction, we are cousins, don’t argue with logic.
If I can see your house from my house, my friend we are cousins
And my personal favorite…if I have known you for more than three years, darling we are cousins.
That’s basic family law.

In these four steps, you are sure to gain family. If one doesn’t work, you have three more ways. Enjoy the FAM-iliar

Is smart, smart enough?

So I took an online IQ test and boy oh boy did I feel dumb. I even took a second one, opened three different sites took three different tests just so I could prove to myself that I wasn’t so “foolish”. Believe me, these tests have a way of crushing your hopes and trampling over them to an extent of switching off that light people say is at the end of the tunnel. But didn’t stop there, no way, how could I stop when I wasn’t satisfied with what I scored. So I took it a notch higher and asked a friend who is taking psychology if they had a sample IQ test that I could do.

After I had quenched my appetite of wanting to be a genius with a really high IQ, i wondered why I was measuring my intelligence on a scale? Putting success in a box, and disregarding anything and everything that doesn’t fit into that perimeter. Fencing off what we deem ” unworthy”.

My runaway thoughts threw me back to high school, the one place that is supposed to determine the rest of your future, well according to almost everyone that is. And I remember I was good at the arts and humanities the sciences felt like climbing down a cactus blindfolded. I couldn’t grasp what was going on in class but yet this was the determinant on whether I succeeded or not.

To make matters worse there were those teacher who already had threshed their grains and the likes of me we but chaff. They had absolutely no faith that we could do well in their subjects. They already had selected their “chosen ones” the As in the class and for those who got the other letters, well, you had a wall to climb if you wanted to get to the other side.

Knowing that I was among the others, honestly I settled. Made myself comfortable in the “mud” and even built myself a little castle. I worked hard in the areas I thought were my strengths and the rest, “one more fail wouldn’t hurt” that’s what I told myself every time I got my results. I prepared myself for failure. I held on to that little shred of hope of “as long as I pass my humanities and arts am fine” and this is a struggle for many people, and day by day, hearts are broken by that F grade on their report cards and those side remarks people make when they think you aren’t near to hear.

The world has put everything up against a system that judges whether you fit or not, education being the greatest victim.

The biggest warfare we face is in our minds, but having put creativity on a scale, having put productivity on a scale limits the ability of great minds to do what they can do. Walls have been built so high that climbing is impossible and only those with planes, private jets copters or really large slingshots can cross over. So what is left for the rest of us?

Einstein said if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing its stupid, but I agree totally and completely. Genius shouldn’t have to be by the book. Excellence shouldn’t be equated to perfect.

Until the day when brilliance won’t have a measure, when success won’t be judged by ability to memorise or understand that one concept that your Brain keep shutting the door to, I rest my case.

When the answer is wait.

You know that feeling you get when you have agreed to meet someone at a certain time and then they come an hour late, no apologies and in your head you start thinking of all the things you could have done while waiting even though probability of you having accomplished them runs slim?I have never been a patient person. It is one if those vices that i possess that quite frankly i don’t see myself giving up. And when i have to wait for somebody or something i feel like ripping them apart. For every second i spend waiting i have shot whoever i am waiting for about three hundred times in my head and some time if i was leaning on that last nerve of the day, i will seriously walk away. But what happens if its God saying wait?

As a believer, i have faith that through prayer everything i ask for will be granted. Well unless it is something evil. However, not everything we ask for is given, not every door we knock on is opened and sometimes it reaches that point of despair when now patience runs out. When we cannot understand why our prayers haven’t been answered yet. In our understanding we have played our role, worked everything accordingly and still nothing.

And it is then that panic comes in. We survey every detail of our lives, trying to figure out where we wet wrong. Maybe we didn’t pray enough, or have little faith, or sinned. Maybe its a punishment. And then the questions start. And we forget who we are dealing with and we sometimes begin to doubt. We start questioning God. Did he hear you pray? Was he listening. If hr knows the end from the beginning why didn’t he just work it out for you?

I definitely have no answers to any of those questions. Everyday i have questions of my own. I cant explain half the things i do to start with so how can i explain Gods doings? But i understand this, everything works out for our good. Whether we understand it or not. The wait could be a test of faith, maybe it isnt just the right time. When you know and understand that He is faithful, that he isn’t just God but also our father, then you begin to grasp that He has abplan. And his plans need no back ups. His promises are yes and amen so hold on to those promises. And if your patience is a runaway like mine, now you have a new prayer item.